Jun 2, 2007 | 3:39 PM
Category:
News
I think a pillow should be the peace symbol, not the dove. The pillow has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have a beak to peck you with.
May 31, 2007 | 6:43 PM
Category:
Sports
I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
May 29, 2007 | 4:01 PM
Category:
News
At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw forget you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.
May 27, 2007 | 2:47 PM
Category:
Sports
I think college AD's should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they'll know this is someone else's territory and be scared to cheer at the games!!!!!
May 24, 2007 | 9:03 PM
Category:
Entertainment
Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.
May 19, 2007 | 9:34 AM
Category:
Entertainment
The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
May 12, 2007 | 3:51 PM
Category:
News
When I was in the 3rd grade, a bully in school started beating me up every day. At first I didn't say anything, but then I told dad. He got a real scared look on his face and asked if the bully had a big dad. I said I didn't know. But he still seemed scared. And just a few days later we moved to a new town. Dad told me that if anyone picked on me, not to fight back. Unless I knew the kid didn't have a dad or the dad was real small. Otherwise just curl up in a ball.
May 10, 2007 | 7:27 PM
Category:
Entertainment
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
May 2, 2007 | 9:13 PM
Category:
News
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
May 2, 2007 | 9:09 PM
Category:
Entertainment
Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?
What about us then? Mate for life or keep looking for that hotter swan?
May 1, 2007 | 7:55 PM
Category:
Entertainment
Whenever I saw Ryan Seacrest slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct was to laugh. But then I thought, what if I was an ant, and he fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
May 1, 2007 | 7:53 PM
Category:
Entertainment
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
Apr 30, 2007 | 9:33 PM
Category:
News
Nicole became the most popular person in school, whenever the professor paused in his lecture, she just let out a big snort and said "How do you figger that!" real loud. Then she leaned back and sort of smirked.
I mean how smart is that! I would love to see her do that on air!!! LOL
Apr 30, 2007 | 9:08 PM
Category:
Entertainment
Once while Nicole and I were walking through the mall a guy came up to us and said "Hey, hows it going?". So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said "Now whose asking the questions?"
I mean really what's wrong with some people?
Apr 11, 2007 | 10:35 PM
Category:
Entertainment
Can I say hands down Nicole is the sexiest news woman on TV. WOW!!!! How could anyone disagree?
