GolightlyGrrl's Blog

Well, it’s finally here, the time of the year where I chuck my remote at my TV and scream, “Give me back my life!” Actually, it’s the season finale of American Idol. A new winner of the Idol will be crowned. All of America has been gripped by a very close race, and I don’t mean the race between Hillary and Obama. After over 92 million votes, one of the Davids will be this year’s American Idol. But first Ryan introduces the judges. Why is Randy dressed like a cross between a pimp and Captain Kangaroo?

Huge crowds in Kansas City and Salt Lake City are cheering on their hometown favorites. Mikalah Gordon from season 4 is in KC and Matt Rogers (who?) is in Salt Lake City, which appears to have more blondes per capita than any other US City. Wow, I thought Milwaukee had a lot of blondes.

The top 12 tells us to “Get Ready” and sing while the “So You Think You Can Dance?” crew provides some fancy footwork. The only dance moves the Idol-ettes can provide is some arm waving.

Now David C enters the stage and lil David A joins him to sing a song whose name I don’t remember. Their brotherly relationship is very sweet and they sound good together. But is David C really wearing a wallet chain? Really? Oh, Cookie. You are so better than that.

What is an Idol results show without some Fox product placement. Mike Myers is here to hawk his new movie “The Love Guru.” As Guru Pitka, he serenades the double Ds with his sitar and gives them some sage wisdom. He tells David C he needs to shave, and tells David A that he will be growing hair in weird places. And I need a drink.

Speaking of drinking, Syesha is now singing “Waiting for You.” However, I would like to thank Idol for teaming her up with someone a bit more current, Seal. Remember Kat’s befuddled look when she was teamed with Meatloaf? You think Kat would used to old men.

Next, Jason sings one of the highlights of the season, “Hallelujah.” I could do without the squeeing from the peanut gallery. And why isn’t he singing with someone? Are Harold and Kumar not available?

Hey look! It’s Mindy Doo!

It’s the final pimpmercial of season seven. The contestants sing “Let the Good Times Roll” while scenes from past pimpmercials roll across the screen. Cookie, I love you. But if I never see you in a lime green matador outfit, it will be too soon.

Top 6 girls sing a medley of Donna Summer hits and are soon joined by the Queen of Disco. I just love Brooke’s dress. It’s so retro. And I know Amanda would rather be hanging out at some biker bar, swigging from a bottle of Jack, but could she look a bit more enthused? She isn’t so much “Hot Stuff” as much as she is “Lukewarm Matter.”

A brand new duo, Shocking Departures, featuring Idol bootees, Carly and Michael entertain us with “The Letter.” My letter to Carly and Michael is Zzzzzz............

Speaking of Zzzzzz...., Jimmy Kimmel is on board to roast Ryan and the judges, and give an overview of the season. Did we really have to revisit Simon’s pepper mill nipples?

Now it’s time for the top 6 guys to sing a Bryan Adams’ medley, and Bryan Adams joins them. I think they sound better than the girls. Right now David A is thinking, “”Summer of ‘69”” was like a million years ago!”

An Idol experience at Disney? What could be cheesier?

Joined by ZZ Top, David C sings their classic, “Sharp-Dressed Man.” David C is having the time of his life, and gives us a peek of what one of his concerts would be like. I can’t wait for his solo tour.

We go back to Kansas City, and Miss Gentry, David C’s music teacher is ready to rock in her David C T-shirt.

Brooke is joined by Graham Nash and they sing “Teach Your Children Well.” They sound terrific and I am so happy Brooke refrains from stopping and starting.

The Jonas Brothers come on the stage, and because I’m out of the training bra stage, I decide to check out what’s happening on “Law and Order.” Yea, the Jonas Brothers are cute, but too bad their testicles haven’t descended yet.

Aww, look at the cougar Ryan found on Match.com. His new love, Pat, helps introduce the “Best of the Worst.” I wonder if Alexis Cohen is actressing or not. However, we don’t have to worry about Reynaldo Lupuz. He is back to entertain us with “I Am Your Brother.” This time he is backed up by the USC Trojans band and cheerleaders. Oh great, here comes Randy and Paula. Simon decides to sit this one out. Chicken.

It’s time for David A to perform and he sings “Apologize” with OneRepublic. So this is what the kids are listening to, Mildred? I wish someone would apologize to me for taking five minutes of results and stretching it to two hours.

Last year’s winner, Jordin, sings her new single “One Step at a Time.” Sadly, her dress looks like a “Project Runway” reject. Damn, still a half hour to go ‘til the results.

Gee, those Pips sure look like Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey, Jr.

Season four’s winner, Carrie Underwood, sings “Last Name.” Sorry, she’s not my Idol cup of tea. Is it the results yet?

Now it’s time for the top 12 group sing. The two Davids, and this season’s losers sing a medley of George Michael hits. Ooh, Cookie looks absolutely resplendent in a suit and tie. And I’m jonesing for Brookie’s frock. But George Michael comes out to show them how it’s done. He sings “Praying for Time” and it’s goosebump city. He truly has one of the best blue-eyed soul voices around.

Before we get to the results, the judges have some last minute words for the final two. Randy says that David A and David C are both winners, dude. Paula gives her usual Hallmark sentiments of “It’s not the finale; it’s the beginning.” And Simon actually apologizes to Cookie. I never thought he had it in him.

Now it’s time for the results. And the winner of American Idol Season Seven is...DAVID COOK!!!!!! OMG!!! SQUEEE!!!

David is clearly overwhelmed and his heartfelt tears are touching. I’m positively verklempt and so proud of my fellow Word Nerd. I hope when he finally gets into the studio to lay down some tracks for his first post-AI CD, the powers that be have faith in him as an artist. I want him to make the music he wants to really make. Is that too much to ask? I’ve been impressed with David throughout most of the season. Not only is he very talented, he’s also a total mensch. I like that in a person.

Well, that’s it, my last Idol recap of the season. It’s time for me to take a well-deserved break. See you next year, kids.