GolightlyGrrl's Blog

Did you listen to Ryan Tuesday night and vote? Well, apparently a lot of you did because over 51 million people voted and it’s a very close race. But sadly, someone has to leave us on results night. Who will it be?

But first there is some business to tend to. Ryan introduces the judges. According to Paula you can wear that ugly bridesmaid dress again. And Simon is surprised about the disastrous song choices the contestants made. To me, at this point of the game (seven seasons of AI) Simon should not be surprised about disastrous song choices. He should be comforted. It’s a crazy, messed-up world we live in but knowing some kid will pick a song so ghastly that it makes the baby Jesus cry makes me feel all warm inside.

Oh gee, it’s time for the group sing. The contestants sing “Reeling in the Years” and I’m trying to reel in the vomit. This is such a talented bunch but they have zilch chemistry together. By this time they should have bonded but it’s as if they just met and are still wary of each other. I keep thinking of Elvis week on AI two years ago. Taylor, Kat, Elliott and the DAUGHTRY! sang a medley of Elvis songs and looked like they were having a load of cheeseball fun. But this time out, I get nothing.

After the group sing, we get treated to an overview of the previous night’s performances. What a thrill...

Finally we get to the first of the results. Little David A is summoned to join Ryan. There is a place on the Sofa of Safety with his name on it. David A is safe.

But before we get to find out more results, we learn what kind of shenanigans the Idol-ettes get up to when they’re not on-stage. David C, David A, Jason and Syesha flew to Las Vegas on a luxury jet (oy, the carbon footprint) and got the star treatment. They met lots of their fans and some cute dolphins. Ooh, Syesha’s green dress is gorgeous! I want it! The contestants also got to see the Cirque du Soleil tribute to the Beatles, which to me looked rather creepy.

Okay, more results. David C is safe and gets to sit his cute booty on the Sofa of Safety. Syesha and Jason are left in the wings. But of course, we won’t find out which one is leaving us until later in the show.

The pimpmercial is to the Johnny Clash classic “Ring of Fire” and the contestants are dressed as bullfighters and are fighting a car. This is odd.

It’s my favorite time waster of the evening, the viewer calls. What did we learn, class? David C says “we’ll see” when asked if he’ll go on a date with Emily from Pittsburgh (I think that means no). But he has heard good feedback from Raine Maida from his favorite band Our Lady Peace. That’s pretty cool. Syesha is challenged by stage fright and she later tells us being the only girl in the top four in uncomfortable but at least the dudes are funny. David A is “duh.” And Jason says he’s challenged by his brain being dead. No kidding. Simon is wondering why he hasn’t been knighted and he needs to ask the Queen why this hasn’t happened. Ryan, why hasn’t Simon been knighted yet? Well, Simon may not be a knight but he thinks he’d make a great James Bond. Cowell, Simon Cowell. Nope, it doesn’t quite work. However, he often leaves the contestants shaken not stirred.

Maroon 5 is here to entertain us with their single “If I Never See You Again.” I kind of like Maroon 5’s pop-stylings and they’re good looking enough to be featured in Sassy’s (RIP) “Cute Band Alert.”

Speaking of cute, season 4’s runner-up Bo Bice is back and he’s singing his brand of Southern-fried rock with his song “Witness.” It’s great to see him singing music that really reflects who he is as an artist instead of the pallid dreck 19E forced on him for his first post-Idol CD. But he needs some deep oil conditioner for his hair, just sayin'.

Finally, finally, it’s time for the results. Well, it’s a good thing Jason packed his bags because he’s leaving us. Jason, you did give some notable performances. I adored your renditions of “Hallelujah” and “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” They were lovely and heartfelt. But you lost something in the past few weeks. However, in retrospect, I realize that maybe your somewhat charming cluelessness didn’t make you a stoner; it makes you my cat.