GolightlyGrrl's Blog

For the past three months we’ve seen the faces of David C, Brooke, Syesha, David A and Jason. But for some reason it seems like it’s been three years. After 45 million votes, one of the final five is leaving us. Yes, it’s results night on American Idol.

After the judges are introduced, the contestants do the group sing. Or as Ryan calls it, a tribute to Neil Diamond. Okay, Ryan, if that’s what you want to call it that. This is when I get a drink. Hello, bottle of Chardonnay. Come to mama!

Hey, remember Gina and Constantine from previous AI seasons? Right now they are hosting AI Extra, a chockfull of American Idol goodness. Gina is definitely earning her paycheck if she’s working with slimy Constantine. It doesn’t take much coaching from Ryan to get Constantine to give one of his patented eye shags to the camera. Oh great. Now my TV has genital warts.

Performance night was a bit odd for the judges. Well, it was a bit odd for Paula, but that’s every performance night. Despite her major snafu, she’s still a member of the AI (dysfunctional) family. I saw Paula on one of the cheesy entertainment shows and she said she was just following directions from the producers. If you ask me, she was following directions from Jim Beam.

Now it’s time for some results...

Jason is summoned. Despite some rather dull performances, he is safe. I guess being cute will take you far.

Now it’s time for David A. I swear my four-year-old nephew could take this kid in a fight. Well, no matter what. David A is also safe.

No, I will not be writing recaps for “So You Think You Can Dance.” I need a well-deserved break. Is it just me or does Nigel Lythgoe look like a Muppet?

After Randy shows off his modeling skills, we get back to the results. David C joins Ryan. He thinks Paula just gave him the kiss of death by saying he’s the next American Idol. Oh, that David is such a card! He’s also safe.

Not surprisingly, Syesha and Brooke are in the bottom two. Syesha claims song choice is difficult for her. Brooke tells us she’s finally in a happy place but it might be too late. However, it’s good she found the right meds. Ryan tells them to join their pals on the Sofa of Safety.

Natasha Bedingfield sings a song and I don’t bother to learn its name. Her eyeliner is quite heavy, isn’t it? Why is she shouting the chorus? Aww, David A just got his first kiss from a girl and in front of all of America.

Oh no, not again, the dreaded viewer calls. What did we learn this week, class? Well, Paula gives contestants a break because somebody has to. She’ll also do another video with Randy when he becomes an animated cat or dawg or squirrel. Squirrel? And we learn Simon had his first kiss with Tara when he was only nine. That is more than I need to know, Simon.

Time for the pimpmercial. The Idol-ettes sing “Catch the Wind.” This week’s message is “Keep it Clean. Keep in Green.”

Now it’s time for this week’s mentor, Neil Diamond, to push his latest CD. Yea, like anyone would go on this show out the goodness of their heart. He sings “Pretty Amazing Grace” and Kristy Lee, who’s in the audience, is like, “Hey, that’s my song. Oh wait, it’s not.” The kids in the mosh pit are probably saying to themselves, “My grandma loves this guy.”

Okay, finally we’re up to the announcement of this week’s bootee. Syehsa and Brooke join Ryan once again. Not surprisingly, Brooke is broken and has been voted off. I’ve liked Brooke from the beginning but she just wasn’t long for this competition. I hope some producer helps her access her inner Carole King and she makes a great CD.

Now do I dare ask what next week’s theme is?