Mar 27, 2008 | 8:21 AM
Category:
Entertainment
Wednesday night is the night of results but first we have other business to attend to. Ryan informs us that over 30 million people voted, the highest of the season. We also learn we will get a behind the scenes sneak peak of the Idols, the show will take more calls (yawn) and season two contestant, Kimberly Locke, will perform a little ditty.
Any songwriters out there? Idol needs a killer song for the AI winner. Well, I’m sure whatever song chosen, it is sure to murder my ear drums.
Speaking my murdering my ear drums, it’s time for a cheesy group sing. The contestants sing “Get Right Back from Where We Started From.” The group sing is so Macy’s Thanksgiving parade that I expected an Underdog balloon to be hovering over the stage.
Hey, want to see the kids record there songs? No? Well, you’re going to see it whether you like it or not. The contestants get to record full versions of their performance songs and you can download them from iTunes. Oh Carly, shut up. Even though you only sold about 300 copies of your debut CD, I doubt you’re completely unfamiliar with studio lingo.
Before we can get to announcing who is safe and who is in the bottom three, we get an overview of the Tuesday night’s highlights. Wait a minute. There were highlights?
Finally we have some results. Chickezie approaches Ryan on the American Idol Seal of Doom. He is in the bottom three and is told to sit on a Bedpan of Destiny. However, Brooke is safe and gets to sit on the Elvis Couch. Carly lets us know that she is not pregnant and she also endorses Spanx. Can’t a girl have some belly bloat without everyone thinking she’s knocked-up? Oh, by the way, Carly is safe.
After a commercial break, we get a Ford pimpmercial. This weeks’ song is Cheap Trick’s “I Want You to Want Me.” Somewhere Robin Zander is weeping.
Now for some results. David A is safe and so is David C who gets some props from Chris Cornell. Syesha, however, joins Chickezie on a Bedpan of Destiny.
Ugh. The audience phone calls, the biggest time waster Idol has ever come up with. And that’s saying something. What did we learn kids? Remember, there might be a quiz. Chickezie is very single, ladies. David A. like, totally picked his song, cause it’s like, a totally great song. Simon claims anyone can do Ryan’s job because it requires no talent. Brooke would love to do a duet with John Mayer. And as for Simon being the best looking of the bunch, well, Simon says, “It’s not what I say; it’s what others say.” Perhaps that phrase should be embroidered on a pillow.
Remember Kimberly Locke from season 2? She’s back and we get to find out what she’s been up to. She sings her latest single “Fall.” Rumor has it that Christian from “Project Broadway” designed her dress. Now does she look fierce or like a hot tranny mess? You be the judge.
Before we get to more results we get an Idol Gives Back Report on how money raised is being spent in the US. Good work everyone.
Finally, finally, the last person to be in the bottom three is announced. Ramiele is safe and so is Kristy Lee. I guess if Kristy Lee was in the bottom three then the terrorists have won. In a dredful (get it?) moment, Jason is in the bottom three. He probably wonders how a Bedpan of Destiny can be turned into a bong.
But who is leaving? Jason and Syesha are safe and join the rest on the Elvis Couch. Chickezie is Chick-outsie. This wasn’t too much of a surprise. I’m glad he got a full sing out.
And next week Dolly Parton is on board. Hmm, do you think it’s country night?
